Questioning the Notions of “Enoughness”

It is often believed that we are not enough until we…(insert the thing)… yet is that really true?

In this presumption, the mind seems to tell us that “it” is the one who is in charge of and doles out “enoughness;” that it alone decides who has it, who needs more, or who has just enough of the enough’ness we so desire. Yet, the mind was never questioned by us about its authority to be the one doling out these measures in the first place. We never considered questioning this.

How did it escape our awareness of this authority that we gave it? At some point, the mind was sequestered to do this job for us when we were too young and then we never took the job back, and said, “okay, I can handle it from here on, thanks.”

So, how do we remember to continually question the insane notions of worthiness?

We are not suddenly enough when we become a parent, or spouse, or land the job, or have the thing happen that we always wanted and always believed was missing or required in order to be enough.

When the thing happens or we become it, then, strangely… there still remains this pokey, gnawing desire for some next thing… that we are sure must happen in order for us to… finally be enough.

Releasing Ourselves from the Box

When Buddhists talk about standing in our own way, this is what they mean. We have a mind whose mechanism limits us. It only knows how to categorize and measure, assess, approximate, define, and assign meaning. It provides us with understanding, safety, the ability to develop expectations, and predict, for example. While these abilities are incredibly useful, they are also a trap.

We create a box for ourselves and then gently put ourselves in it and close up the box.

We then find it hard to experience our potential, create, dream, find magic and offer all those assets to others. When we create predictions for others, this limits them too. How dare we limit ourselves and others.

If we can question the legitimacy of the predictor, assessor, and analyzer, then we can begin to have a conversation with it. This dialogue gently creates a mouse size hole in the box for us to perhaps have a peek out. Being outside that hole becomes both exciting and terrifying; we may want it, and yet we may not.

As we grow in the abilities to widen our aperture and discover more and more about our likes/dislikes, acceptance/intolerance, difficulties/abilities, and values, we come to see if the initial assumptions were correct (often not). We become softer with our firm ideas, more open with our notions of right and wrong, and increasingly accommodating or steadfast in the ways that we need.