The Role of Fear and Boundaries in Wellbeing

When we aren’t aware that wellbeing can be supported, then fear and shame sometimes take over or become disabling. We may doubt our own basic goodness or negate who we are. Fear, however, can be a wise and helpful emotion as it stirs us to get in touch with our innate and intuitive knowledge. What is often misunderstood about the role of fear, or even anxiety, is that it can step up in a way that exceeds the natural balance with other emotions. It does this in its attempt to account for the absence of being able to stand our ground.

When we do not have a healthy relationship with our own boundaries and anger, then fear has to do somersaults in order to keep us upright. It forces itself forward in order to protect us. Though this sounds like a good thing, it can take a toll on the body, mind, soul, and relating with others.

The Impact of Tension on the Body and Mind

The pelvic muscles of the body work to stabilize our center and keep us upright. They are also very sensitive muscles that tell the body and brain when to constrict and hide for cover when there is a real, or even simply perceived threat. When held for years, unreleased tension and mind/body patterns can become dysfunction, pain, or injury. Changing patterns can take patience, determination, and guidance.

A variety of therapeutic modalities provide an opportunity to explore what feels difficult, where we become reactive, or areas of ongoing resistance. When do we experience fear and distrust? Do we explode in anger easily and quickly decide that others are causing harm? Do we maintain a viewpoint of eternal grievance toward others, expecting to be proven right in our distrust? Do we find ourselves trying to seek out others or get away, or perhaps a combination of both? Are we able to ground ourselves when needed and stabilize our ability to both protect our boundaries while also staying open to others? Our genetic and familiarized patterns are the material we have to work with. With this, the body and mind are actually working together as a unified force to inform us.

Embracing Self-Care and Transformation

During distress, the body tenses and our breathing patterns become shallow and quick. This sends alarm signals throughout the brain while the body then responds with a tightening to ensure its protection and safety. When we can move toward attuned persons and resources nearby, our breathing can slowly return to balance. When noticing and supporting the fight/flight response, we discover the contact and safety our system is needing. We may learn how to open to our own discomfort and fear with as much care, gentleness, and concern as we would to someone we deeply care about.

In learning to become friendly with ourselves in this way, we may begin to recognize our worthiness and intrinsic place in the world. This invites kind participation with our worst fears. When we have a chance to experience an organic loosening of tight knots, over time the body can rewrite the early programs and become conditioned to, trusting of, and even expecting goodness, and reliable connection to ourselves and others as a new home base. In being freed from the binds that tie us down and constrict our flow, there is a learning to provide space, warmth, and “holding” to the areas of constriction in the body. This brings ease through the breath, safety in the pelvis, and grounding through and into our center. As a result, we bring self-soothing and relief to a stuck and stressed system. In our care for ourselves, we are helping others around us to do the same.