We all have expectations for ourselves and expectations for others. Sometimes this line is difficult to distinguish. When others’ early, and perhaps unconscious expectations for us become our own expectations for ourselves, it can be difficult to shake them off. The cost can become the price of not knowing ourselves for who we really are. It may feel like we have a wall in between our real self and a seeming false self (a performing or pretending self that doesn’t feel real somehow).

The Hidden Impact of Expectations: How Others’ Beliefs Shape Our Worldview

As we age, expectations from others, that have become our own expectations, start to shape our behaviors, actions, impulses – our worldview. These beliefs become comfortable and anchoring. It feels safe, reliable, and consistent for us and others to keep this worldview in place. Our psyche then regularly re-establishes and re-anchors this worldview via internal “parts” – thoughts, behaviors, sensations, feelings, expressions – all the ways.

Until… there comes a certain time (often accompanied by depression/anxiety) when a different worldview begins to quake inside. A deeper, more primitive, and seemingly foreign landscape is emerging, but from within. Its language is entirely foreign. It comes in waves, in sudden outbursts, in deep longing, in nightmares, and confusions and memories. Something is wanted from us. This feels daunting.

The “parts” that comprise the early worldview are not interested in this new internal quaking. They just want everything to stay the same, even if our life is unhappy, not working, and feels like struggle and disease. These “parts” begin to assert a certain dominance over this upheaval, showcasing their distaste for it. There is an internal struggle; a struggle for hierarchy within. This battle feels very uncomfortable. Some of these “parts” are literally championing for and fostering old patterns that are restrictive and destructive. They sponsor helplessness in their assertion of dominance, resisting change, and fluidity.

Embracing Transformation: Moving Beyond the Internal Struggle Toward Self-Discovery

We are then faced with allocating outside help, reinforcement, support, a bridge over to the other side. Oftentimes, we can’t even see the far-off bridge to know that one might exist. But it does. Through a varying series of surrendering, learning, growing, letting go, holding center during the storms, and slowly acquiring more trust with each turn – something new emerges. A new worldview appears. It feels very unfamiliar. Surely, we must have taken a wrong turn?

As the old ways fall away and old contracts begin to dissolve, we find ourselves with a new perspective. Enlivened. Re-born. Steadied. This is both an internal and external re-shuffling with lots of learning, yielding, discovering, and maturing. New skills, values, strengths, passions, and integrity have come along for the ride.

We are not who we remember ourselves to be. Transformed.