The Role of Permission in Realizing Desires
So often, we believe that what we long for is “out there” — a relationship, an achievement, a feeling, a state of being just beyond our grasp. We chase it, strive for it, wait for it. And when it doesn’t come, we may feel frustrated, defeated, or even ashamed.
But what if the true gatekeeper of our desires isn’t the external world — but our own permission?
The Power of Permissiveness
Feeling permission is one of the most overlooked ingredients in the realization of desire. It’s not always about working harder, being better, or finding the right timing. It’s often about whether we truly allow ourselves to receive what we want.
What we allow into our lives reflects what we believe we are able — or allowed — to have.
This is where permissiveness becomes powerful. It’s not passive; it’s an active, internal stance. It reveals the silent agreements we’ve made with ourselves about what we’re allowed to feel, pursue, express, or welcome.
The Nature of Permission
To permit is to grant access. This seemingly simple act can be transformative. It opens a door that says, “You’re allowed to want this. You’re allowed to have this. You’re allowed to be this.”
But for many of us, truly receiving what we desire is not without ambivalence.
Desire can bring with it:
- Risk
- Exposure
- Responsibility
- Excitement masked as anxiety
We may find ourselves hesitating — not because the desire is wrong, but because the receiving feels too big, too unfamiliar, or too threatening to who we’ve learned we should be.
Ambivalence often protected us as children. But left unchecked in adulthood, it can become overgrown — quietly sabotaging the very things we most deeply long for.
Thresholds, Rituals, and the Invitation to Change
In many traditions, thresholds and ceremonies mark moments of change. These practices help us honor the ending of one chapter and make space for what wants to emerge. They act as invitations to step into a new way of being — often by granting ourselves deeper permission.
While others may help hold the container, the transformation happens in our participation. In saying yes. In showing up to receive.
The Challenge of Seeing Ourselves
Sometimes, we are unaware of the subtle ways we participate in our own limitations.
We may unconsciously collaborate with patterns that keep us from our desires — not out of failure, but out of habit or protection.
This is why we often need a wise other — a therapist, teacher, mentor, or friend — to help reflect back what we cannot see. Others can witness us more clearly than we witness ourselves, especially when it comes to the invisible borders of what we think we’re “allowed” to have.
If you find yourself yearning for something that feels just out of reach, pause and ask gently:
- Have I truly given myself permission to want this?
- Do I believe I’m allowed to have it?
- What might shift if I fully welcomed this desire, without apology?
Sometimes, what’s between you and what you long for isn’t distance.
